Developing a Vibrant Relationship to Self-Pleasure & Masturbation

— By Pono Stewart

I do not know anyone who grew up with encouragement to explore their own body, experience pleasure by touching themselves, play with their own genitals, or bring themselves to orgasm. Instead, most of us received negative messages about our bodies and our sexuality, particularly our solo-sexuality. Many of our parents would not even name the body part. We were told not to touch “down there.”

Sometimes we need to rewire our brains to do what is good for us; unlearn what we have been taught. Masturbation falls into this category.

Unlearning: The Myths around Masturbation

We were warned of dire consequences like growing hairy palms or going blind. We went to church to confess our sin of masturbation. Are any of these things true? Most of the old-time claims about masturbation are not. There is no scientific evidence to show that masturbation causes: hairy palms, blindness, erectile dysfunction, penis shrinkage, penis curvature, infertility, mental illness, physical weakness, or impotence.

It’s also a myth that people in relationships who masturbate must be unhappy with their sex lives. Most men and women in relationships masturbate either alone or together, and many find it an enjoyable part of their relationship. One research study compared people with a vulva who masturbated with people with a vulva who did not and found that those who masturbated reported having happier marriages.

Excessive, compulsive masturbation can indeed disrupt some people’s lives. Signs of compulsive masturbation include missing work, school, or social activities due to masturbation; interruption in one’s ability to perform daily functions; disruption in relationships; or when masturbation becomes a substitute for real-life experiences. Too much of a good thing is not always good.

The Benefits of Masturbating

But on the positive side, research widely suggests that sexual stimulation, including stimulation through masturbation, can reduce stress, release tension, enhance sleep quality, boost concentration, elevate mood, relieve menstrual cramps, alleviate pain, and improve sex with a partner.

Masturbation has sexual health benefits specifically for older people with a vulva, such as less vaginal dryness and decreased pain during sex.
Research also shows that any sexual activity leading to pleasure or orgasm, including masturbation, causes the release of hormones and chemicals involved in the brain’s pleasure-reward center.

Chemicals released during masturbation include:
-Dopamine (the “happiness” hormone)
-Oxytocin (the “love” hormone)
-Serotonin (a mood elevator)
-Endorphins (“feel good” chemicals that reduce pain better than morphine)
-Prolactin (a stress manager, emotion and immune system regulator)
-Endocannabinoids (a reward regulator that decreases anxiety, depression, blood pressure, and inflammation)
-Norepinephrine/noradrenaline (increases dopamine, which increases happiness)

The release of oxytocin from sexual activities seems to lower stress hormones, such as cortisol while promoting relaxation and reducing blood pressure. A 2013 research study found that sexual activity leads to partial or complete migraine relief and some cluster headaches. By increasing hormones and neurotransmitter levels involved in learning, memory, and motivation, masturbation may also improve focus and concentration.

These positive benefits of masturbation require us to rethink those false sex-negative messages we were brought up to believe. Shedding those antiquated beliefs can help us to look at masturbation in a new way. All of us can express our innate solo-sexuality: to play with ourselves, to pleasure ourselves, to explore the various ways that we feel pleasurable, orgasmic sensations pulsing through our skin.

You are the only person who can bring yourself pleasure — no one else can do this for you! No one else in the world can touch you like you touch yourself.

I encourage you to explore yourself and your body’s ability to feel orgasmic bliss. And try a vibrator! Vibrators are not just for people with a vulva. Using a vibrator to enhance stimulation may increase arousal and overall sexual function in all people. People with a vulva have reported improved sexual function and lubrication, while people with a penis improved erectile function.

A Personal Journey of Discovery

My regular self-pleasuring practice has helped me learn about myself. It has presented many opportunities for self-knowledge and personal growth. I’ve had opportunities to recognize negative beliefs about my body, my genitals, and my eroticism that I’d unknowingly held onto. Resistance to my own self-pleasuring practice has inspired personal questions: How do I prioritize pleasure in my life? How do I prioritize myself? How do I really feel about my body, my belly, my hair? Can I be good company to myself?
Working through those questions has helped me understand many useful things: what really turns me on erotically, what bliss feels like in my body, what self-care feels like to me, and basically, how to take better care of myself.

Learning how to pleasure ourselves can be empowering and improve body image. We are living in the only bodies we will ever have. Accepting them helps us accept ourselves. Once we fully accept ourselves, it is easier to love ourselves.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Pono Stewart is a Sexologist and Somatic Sex Educator who lives in Victoria, BC. He is a self-pleasuring and anti-circumcision activist. Pono facilitates private and group erotic embodiment retreats. You can learn even more about Pono at EcstaticTouch.Net.